from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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