whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
