I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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