hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
