Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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