FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
