I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
