If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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