I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
ok first of all what the fuck
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
