It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
