Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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