i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
