Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
