maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
