Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
