yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
