honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
