Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
