i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
