I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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