His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
