Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
