I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
