I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
