You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
