i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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