You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
