She's JV to your varsity
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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