Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
