i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize