i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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