the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
