at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
