come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
