No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
