Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
