I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There's even glitter on my cock...
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