Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
