I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
