So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
