I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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