Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
