Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
