And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
