I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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