I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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