Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
