you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
