I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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