yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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