I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
