Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
