matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
