I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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