If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
