No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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