You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
