My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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