I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
