You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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