I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
