The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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