even my farts smell like vagina
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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