I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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