If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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