maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
