Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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