so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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