I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
