i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
