Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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