I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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