Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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