I think my vagina is haunted
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
