can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
