i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
