Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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