you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
