How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
