Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
