She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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