Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
