We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
