Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
