Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
