My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
