): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
