i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
