this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
