Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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