Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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