I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize