you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
