You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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