HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
