Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
