do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
