why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
