Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
