Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize