How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
