We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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