Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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