Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
