He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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