if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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