he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
